On why Facebook, LinkedIn and other online networks suck hard

Oh I’ve had this one brewing!  The vacuousness, the deception, the big slimy lies, the insanely annoying email reminders to (sniveling whiny voice) “Be my friend”.

I’ve had a stark realization recently. You know how there’s this wonderful human ideal out there, you know it’s in movies and literature and the speeches of great people; it embodies the notion that humanity has this great potential for compassion and vision and justice.  Well what I’ve realized is that even though the grand ideals of this ‘noble human’ idea actually dominate our movies and literature – the idea of human nobleness is mostly untrue for most of humanity.  This idea has been being pushed by a very small number of people – intellectuals – who feel that they are resonating with the bulk of humanity – but they’re not.

Just like how white 30 to 50 something middle class people think the news media is telling everyone’s news when in fact the news is just them talking securely to themselves…

Well so are the intellectuals who peddle the grand vision of human nobleness – the ones who think enough humans might take genuine action to improve the environment or animal conditions or climate change.  If you’re one of them, like me, you will tend to largely rub shoulders with the same ilk.  You will also tune in to the same ideas and literature and messages and concerns and you will then think that’s the world.  These thinking types have also have dominated the media world – I mean broadly – right or left wing at least they are thinking types – language and debate and ideas are their currency.  This sounds like everyone right? It’s easy to think that this is everyone – but it’s not.  I think there are at least 10 times as many humans on this planet who don’t think much at all.  The intellectuals, the thinkers, be they left or right, have convinced themselves they represent a good slice of humanity with a fringe of the more dull witted causing the problems.  My realization is that the thinking part of humanity – for all that they may utterly dominate the media – are only the tiniest tip of the iceberg.  How do I know? Well amongst other things – Facebook.

Perhaps the ultimate proof of what a waste of space our species is, its hard for me to know where to start describing what is wrong with Facebook and LinkedIn and whatever other plastic veneers of socialisation exist out there on the internet.

Let me throw a few thoughts at you:

One of the interesting if sick phemomena of the internet is the weird projection and amplification of sexual/emotional identities people become involved in.  I know because several years ago I did it myself and I have seen many others do it since.  People on the internet seem so much better than the real thing. Is it because of the distorting impact of communicating in text and pictures?  Written communication certainly allows people to produce versions of themselves their friends and relatives would hardly recognize. These versions are far from the truth and sport a whole wardrobe of witticisms that might be clever or funny amongst people you actually know but when cast out there into cyberspace are just meaningless parroted tripe.  All shreds of reality are filtered out and somehow the knowledge that the person you are talking with is not a luminous winged creature but a flesh and bone person who has any number of shitty moments goes out the window.

So what is it that we are actually saying and showing to each other when we post our comments and pics to the web because it seems to have exactly zero basis in reality?  Put it this way – all the friends who are all admiring each others’ statuses and pics etc, and all the flirters who are stoking their fantasy life into hyperdrive – lock them in a room together and see how long the mutual admiration lasts before they all realize they have no idea who any of these people really are, and that fundamentally they mostly can’t stand each other.

Text based communication allows us to bypass honest and real communication even more than we, largely emotionally dysfunctional, people already do. That of course is why we like it so much.  It’s communication with any reality and its based on a neuro-chemical addiction to being liked. At least that’s my theory.  You see human relationships are governed by neuro-chemicals.  These are substances the brain produces and they are addictive – endorphins – but there are probably others.  As an example – the infant brain rewards the infant for seeking its caregiver by feeding it endorphins.  This strategy ensures the baby’s survival because when it’s close to its caregiver it gets a natural high but when the caregiver leaves it goes into withdrawal.  It is this chemical withdrawal that causes the infant to cry and get distressed when its mum goes away.  This is evolution’s way of keeping infants and caregivers in close proximity.  All the babies that didn’t give two shits where mum and dad were got eaten – probably well before humans even evolved. We actually carry this mechanism throughout our lives and it accounts for the intense feelings of love we can have in a blooming relationship and the despair we experience when we lose a relationship – even if it was the relationship from hell and our rational mind  knows this.

Coming back to Facebook, LinkedIn and all the dating socializing sites out there – what a way to amp up the powerful endorphins of being liked/loved/wanted.  Which is exactly what it is.   Have you ever thought about the pictures people choose to publish of themselves?  These are always very well selected.  I don’t know maybe I’m wrong but I get the feeling that rather a great deal of self-voyeurism (peering at yourself from without) goes into the production and selection of these pics and that tells me something.  This is more than just an online neighborhood – you don’t get to choose how you look when I bump into you in reality – the bad hair, the ‘I didn’t think I was going to the shop in these pants but here I am’, the runny nose, the bags under the eyes; cool that’s you sometimes. I kind of cringe now when ever I see the avatars of people – mainly young and hoping to be attractive – staring intensely into the camera.  To be fair there are plenty of people who just bang on the only pic they have of themselves and get on with the business of sharing their sincere thoughts, but that’s maybe more on forums than on network sites – what do you think?

Anyway there’s something just insidious about Facebook that makes my skin crawl.  Maybe its the excessive formatting of the site which thrusts all these things in your face – I like to have a lot of control of my creative and published space but Facebook offers a seemingly very mandatory format which emphasizes making trite comments about status or taking random preference tests to see who you’re like.  That stuff just seems so desperate and I really don’t give a shit. I can’t understand a) why anyone else does and b)why they would spend the time – what vacuous creatures!  Seriously could any other life form be found performing such utterly useless activity!?  Then of course there are all the friend requests which turn up in your inbox from I don’t know and I don’t give a shit who.  Facebook is to me the ultimate in superficiality.

But now let’s consider the darker, diseased side of the issue – online dating, flirting and hookups.  Hyperdrive is a good description of what happen’s to people’s fantasy worlds once they begin using social networking and dating sites. There are some serious real world problems arising from this and I’m not talking about getting locked up in Argentina for being a drug mule when you thought you were arriving into the arms of your true love – but that is a cautionary tale and my heart goes out to the poor woman involved.

I’ve figured out that in a world addled with highly manufactured images of beautiful people associated with consumer goods it wasn’t going to take long for old brainy to get a widdle bit mixed up and start thinking that the message was – get next season’s lover, last seasons is well – so last season.  Indeed who can compete with a beautiful image wrapped in a beautiful idea – hell we can’t actually compete with our own image which is why such huge dissapointments and mix ups are caused by the vast but artificially sucrose networks of people we can so easily contact via web and text.

I am not greatly convinced of the workability of monogamous long term relationships long since stripped of their communal context.  However I do believe they hold more potential for greater personal unfoldment than ‘swinging’ ever could.  Standing firmly in the way of deeper connection and growth through the crucible of a commited relationship is – Facebook, Findlove, Singles.com, Eurofriendfinder, Chinabrides, Affairs.com, DateMe, Russiangirls, Thaiwifefinder, nzdating, Mylove.com, etcetera, etcetera. and of course, porn.  Its out there, ready at the click of a button to offer a wonderful, exciting, tittilating, mysterious, intriguing, intense, sexually fulfilling, alternative to old shittybritchers.  Except it turns out to be old shittybritchers 0.2.  Oh what voyeurs we are becoming in the pursuit of – what exactly? Something more.  We can always get something more online can’t we.

Now let me come to the useful function that I am told Facebook has.  It does actually provide a great way to share pictures of distant friends and family so we can track their journeys and growth.  I’m not going to deny the value some people find in this function. Personally I don’t really want to see a whole lot of photos of anyone I’m related too far less anyone I’m not. This must sound terribly heartless but it’s just not me.  I love my family deeply in my own way.  I think the women of the clans take a lot more from this than the men perhaps.  But of course you know you don’t have control of these pics.  You can, after several dire warnings of being socially ostracized, actually delete your account (those warnings remind me of a dealer trying to offer a rehabilitated addict – just a little more) but any photos you publish through Facebook apparently remain online – forever – or at least until Armageddon when God and Facebook will battle for supremacy and Facebook will be cast Down! and Smitten! and Caused to Writhe on Its Slimy Belly! Apparently that’s in October sometime.

Well I hope I’ve given you cause to reflect, maybe even to experience the glorious “F**kyou Facebook!” feeling of vaporizing all those vacuous, pathetic and inspid ‘facewits’ masquerading as friends and… DELETING YOUR ACCOUNT!  Do it now.  I dare you.